Your kids need life skills-this dad explains how to teach them

I taught my 12-year-old daughter to change car batteries in the grocery store parking lot at 8pm.

This is one of the many skills I want her to know, in case she finds herself trapped in the parking lot—just like her father was back then. I also want her to be familiar with car engines, although to me it mostly looks like metal spaghetti.

Parents know that our children need to learn many life skills, but my reasons can be traced back to my childhood.

My father taught me how to wash clothes, but no one talked about mental health-we used brotherly conversations and firm beliefs to cover up our problem, that real men don't cry.

No one talks about finances. This may explain why I got 22% of my car loan when I was 24 years old. To make matters worse, my parents are both accountants. At the age of forty, I cringed at that memory. (Yes, I have let them know that I hold a grudge.)

Car maintenance, finances, cooking, and mental health: There are so many skills we need to teach, and they often seem overwhelming.

Which ones can be self-taught? How much do we teach instead of letting them learn from experience?

For many years, I have been learning these life skills courses with my three children-and I will not divide housework by gender. A smart person once told me that “dishes don’t care about gender.” I emphasized to give my son—not just my daughter—the basic knowledge they need as an independent adult.

If you don't start getting along with your children as early as possible, don't be afraid. I find that middle school is the best time to teach many of them. This is how I did it.

Life skills start at home

I have been letting my children do housework since I was a child, because I refuse to send any of them to this world and cannot provide myself with the most basic care.

We start with small things, such as teaching them how to beat eggs or load them into the washing machine. We made a game and made it a mess. Through these small contacts, children can finally adapt to housework, gain abilities, and finally gain confidence.

If you encounter resistance or lack of enthusiasm, don't worry. Consistency and patience are key. Stick to it.

After years of experimentation, my 13-year-old son can cook a basic meal and is responsible for cooking on Sunday night. This means planning, shopping and meal preparation. My 15-year-old daughter has her own night on Saturday and shoulders the same responsibility. She also does a lot of car repairs with me. Everyone is responsible for their clothes.

Jessica Lahey, the author of "The Gift of Failure," advocates that we teach children autonomy so that they will be more motivated to engage in their own lives and learn how to be competent.

We do this by giving them clear expectations and then leaving after we finish teaching them. This allows our children to take ownership of tasks, and Lahey points out that they have learned to solve problems and deal with failures.

Yes, we have had some huge disasters in this house-we all remember the lemon pie catastrophe of 2018 and the banshee wailing of the smoke alarm. Every moment is a moment when our whole family comes together to find a solution and deal with the consequences.

One of my proudest moments was when my eighth grade son taught his cousin how to grill the perfect All-American kid. As a father, I admit that when he double-clicked the pliers, I burst into tears a bit.

It's all about the bill

Money can be a taboo topic for many people, as my own experience with high-interest car loans shows. This skill is more difficult for me to teach because I am not very comfortable with it. But it is important to have a deep understanding of financial knowledge and ensure that our children learn it.

Laura Levine, Chief Executive Officer of Jump$tart Coalition, said that learning by parents and children will have a more lasting impact. The Jump$tart Alliance advocates financial literacy in K-12 schools.

She suggested that, like Lahey, start with a small and controlled exposure to our middle school students.

"Practice by using apps or student debit cards. Teaching on a smaller scale within a safe range, but consider the consequences of their actions," she said. "In order to arouse the children's interest, make sure to show the discussion to the children in a way that they talk to them. In a way that they can see themselves in examples."

This means that I don't give my kids pocket money. They have to do some housework because it is part of the family. However, after a long week of work, she still has some paid jobs at home, such as cleaning the garage and mother's car.

With this money, the children established their vacation fund. This is money they can freely choose. I find that when they are responsible for their money, they will be more frugal. We are also able to establish a saving habit to help them continue this practice in adulthood

When I also filed taxes, I had already started to include my children. So far, their conclusion is that if I don’t pay taxes, Dad will have to go to court (but this is the beginning.) As they grow, they will become more engaged, which explains the mystery of this skill. , They will understand.

Finally, just like money, it is difficult for many parents to talk about mental health until it reaches crisis level. Learning to manage their mental health is a life skill that I cannot ignore.

It affects all other aspects of their lives in some way, including cleanliness, hygiene, and responsible management of their money. From doubt and anxiety to more serious problems, they now need to learn coping skills.

How do we start discussing these topics? There is a simple answer, but it is difficult in practice. We teach children about mental health by being honest with them and showing them our struggles.

This is not to say that we dump the one or two year pandemics of our parents on our children. But frankly, we sometimes feel anxious, depressed, or doubt our abilities.

Likewise, we start small in a way they can understand. But we showed them that it is not only okay to be vulnerable, but that they are not alone.

We emphasize on treating mental health in the same way as physical health. Talking to many fathers, most people say that we lead by example. This means conducting our own mental health checks and being honest with those around us.

In middle school, this is a great opportunity to teach our children the skills they ultimately need.

Remember to develop comfort by introducing the topic to them in a short time, by instructing them to develop their abilities, and allowing them to gain confidence in the skills after they have mastered the skills.

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